I know that sounds really snotty and self-important, but I don’t mean it in that sense. I mean it can be hard for me to accept that the Important Stuff in my little corner of the universe is pretty insignificant to everyone else. I wish the situations that matter most to me would always go my way.
Hmm… that still sounds a bit Veruca Salt-ish. I’d better cite an example.
My youngest child has a speech delay. Her whole story is for another post, but for the past 3 months we have been doing everything possible to help her catch up while understanding her limitations and their causes. This has included numerous visits to multiple specialists, many of whom have full calendars that are booked out weeks in advance.
Today was supposed to be our first visit with a recommended developmental pediatrician. An hour before Jasmine’s scheduled time, the office called to say the doctor had a family emergency and would have to cancel his appointments for the day.
I know emergencies happen. I know doctors are people too. I know people can’t be in two places at once. I know family comes first. Still… why the hell did this have to happen on MY kid’s day? Every developmental expert will testify that early, expeditious intervention is a key component in successful treatment of delays in young children. Therefore, my (admittedly irrational) gut response to this situation was,
“YOU ARE FUCKING WITH MY PLAN, PEOPLE! AND CONSEQUENTLY FUCKING WITH MY DAUGHTER’S DEVELOPMENT!”
Logic tells me that this minor delay should not impact Jasmine at all. It also tells me that this doctor did not intentionally try to ruin my day, nor is he likely to have reason to want to disrupt my daughter’s care. That’s the concept I was alluding to earlier – my little Jazzy isn’t even on his radar in the grand scheme of things. It’s not because of cold indifference; it just isn’t his life, so it isn’t his priority.
It’s like home videos. We could all watch videos of our own kids for hours, couldn’t we? Reliving those precious moments, getting to see those cherubic faces that have since changed with age – ah, bliss. Other people’s home movies on the other hand… not so much. Maybe a really funny one, or a few minutes of their vacation footage, just to be polite. After a while, though? Yawn – right? Not my family, not my kids, not my vacation = not nearly as interesting to me as it is to you.
Sometimes it’s a good thing. It helps to remind myself of that when I’m having a bad self-image day and I have to go to the mall or my daughter’s dance class. Chances are, no one is paying nearly as much attention to me, my clothes, my hair, my ass, etc. as I think they are. Most people do not notice random minute details like I tend to do. Nobody will remember that I wore the same shirt yesterday because I’m behind on laundry.
When it comes to my children, however, all rational thought seems to escape me. I have to work hard to stay calm and remember that this, too, shall pass. Because what am I going to do, storm into some poor unsuspecting doctor’s office and scream, “I WANT IT NOOOOW, DADDY!!!!”?
I reserve the right to do that if it happens again, though. Just sayin’.