To be the Queen of Chaos, you have to be a little warped.

Posts tagged ‘creepers’

Cheers, George.

In the chaos of determining our fall schedules, getting sick in the middle of it, and a lovely little hurricane killing our power, I have not only neglected blog posting but become a grouchy, cranky human being as well.  They say one should purge negativity to detoxify the body and mind, so today, I pay homage to comedian and social commentator George Carlin by creating my own list of

People I Can Do Without!

(Disclaimer: I am deliberately not mentioning the obvious people here – abusers, molesters, bigots, and other general scum of the Earth go without saying.)

~ People who can’t frikkin’ drive.  I’m not referring to speed of travel here.  This means anyone who can’t comprehend how big their vehicle is, can’t turn left without have 3 miles of clear road to cross over, doesn’t understand how a four-way-stop is supposed to work, blinds me with their high beams, or generally acts like a space cadet behind the wheel.

 ~ People who declare themselves experts at something they just mastered.  Ok, so you learned Japanese/lost 50 pounds/potty-trained your cat, whatever.  Doesn’t mean you now have a PhD on the subject and owe it to the population to share your discoveries with the rest of us poor saps.  What works for you might not work for the rest of us, and you only sound like an arrogant ass.  Who will probably gain the weight back within five years, statistically.  Ahem.

~ Parents who title themselves after their kids’ activities: Pageant Mom, Dance Mom, Hockey Dad, etc.  Makes it sound as though you are living vicariously through your children (or perhaps you are).  I don’t care about you – I want to know if your kid enjoys the activity.

~ Sheeple.  That is, people who base all their decisions on what is currently popular or being drilled into them by mass media.  Be YOU, not the person a bunch of money-grubbing corporations want you to be.

~ People who don’t smile at kids who are acting cute or friendly in public.  Crab-asses.

~ People who don’t understand the fine line between looking and staring.  If you stare at me, or especially my kids, be forewarned that I am fully prepared for you to be a creeper and to knock your nuts out your eye sockets.

~ People who spend tons of money on frivolous things and then bitch that they’re broke.  Hi, welcome to adulthood – create a budget and live within your means.  It’s time to be a big boy/girl.

~ People who think you can’t be smart or successful without a college education.  Hey, I never went and I’ll bet you I can spell better than most grads.  Besides, how smart is it to incur thousands of dollars of debt to earn a degree and then spend most of your adult life as a full-time parent?  It would be like buying a new car and locking it in the garage while you make your payments and take the bus.  Trust me, to raise three kids responsibly, you can’t be an idiot.

There are more, of course, but that’s enough for today as my bed is calling to me and reminding me of tomorrow’s crazy agenda of playgroup, therapy, more therapy, and house cleaning.  I leave you with a clip from the master, may he rest in peace.